| nothing special |
[Aug. 18th, 2008|11:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | La Vie En Rose - Louis Armstrong | ] |
yesterday was yet the most ordinary birthday i ever had. except for the greetings i got, everything was routinary - i slept late the day before (sunday dawn actually; as usual i sleep at dawn), woke up late, checked my email and social networking accounts, read the paper and wrote some stuff.
i went out to buy a book and eat at kenny roger's (their new grilled sandwiches are so good, but so expensive too). well, maybe i spent more than i used to, but other than that, there wasn't anything special. i didn't have enough money to buy cake and whenever i was tempted to, i just thought that i could have better use for the money i have (like saving it for my transportation expenses when i do research) than cake.
maita and i were supposed to watch "wall-e" today, so i didn't watch any movie yesterday. i used to watch a movie during my birthday; it's the only marker i set for the day to make it "special" or at least different from the ordinary. but she said she was still swamped with work and could not make it, so i watched it by myself instead.
"wall-e" is the best film disney pixar ever made yet and not just because of the effects (i think, by this time, graphics and effects of 3d movies are already at a plateau where improvement has saturated itself); the story telling was brilliant. for most of the film, it's like watching raw emotions converse. i mean, people portraying emotions is one thing, but inanimate objects doing it is another. and inanimate objects portraying it to a moving degree is just fascinating.
i also loved their use of classic romantic music like "la vie en rose" and nostalgic clips and soundbites from "hello dolly"; juxtaposing it with the supposed technology of earth after 800 years really sets a good stage (other people think the film was just set 700 years into the future, but it was revealed in one scene that the 700 count started at year 2100 something).
my horoscope wasn't in the paper yesterday. inquirer's sunday issue doesn'y have it. my birthday's the one time i can read my horoscope as distinct from other leo-born people, so i was kinda expecting it. not that i believe it, but it's nice to read something good or relatable like that during your birthday. i've been relying on dreams for cues for about seven years now. maybe it means that i'm supposed to chart my own destiny or something. but then again, i may be overthinking this like the cues i used to rely on. |
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| another strange dream |
[Aug. 16th, 2008|10:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | These Foolish Things - Michael Buble | ] |
woke up to a strange dream today. probably caused by the two full servings of chicken rice i had before i slept. i finally cooked rice in chicken broth, so might as well help my self, hehe..
bro was supposed to be my literal brother in that dream and we had a sister, who i don't recall now who she resembles or if she had a face to remember to begin with. we were eating in a kiddie table (by "kiddie", i mean the colorful, tough plastic ones) sitting on our kiddie chairs. i believe we were having breakfast, since i remember seeing an orange juice on the table and a vase of white flowers. we were on a patio, overlooking our back garden (a la forbes park), beside our parents' table, so i guess we're rich(?)
bro and my other sibling were saying mean things to me as we were eating breakfast. i can't remember what things they were exactly, but just think how myrtle belittles lilo in "lilo and stitch". i was shouting at them at first, but then they really pissed me off and felt like crying so i ran away. then our father followed me, comforted me for a while and brought me back. i'm not sure if our mother was in that dream.
our father then talked to bro and my other sibling about not teasing me anymore. "bati na kayo," he kept on saying. and before i get to know what happens next, i woke up with a full bladder that i had to hurry down to pee.
anyway, i got some backwage yesterday from ust. the ab dean's office texted me up last thursday and told me to call. ate janet said i have some amount to collect from the payroll department due to the collective bargaining adjustment, which apparently was retroactive. i didn't get much though; it was short of a month's salary, which is below minimum wage to begin with.
but i am glad getting one. i'm having a financial crunch again since i'm paying for a ph.d application in dollars. though i really feel guilty because i haven't been teaching for about a year now and the idea of still receiving something doesn't feel right. i know getting it was just due and i really do need it now, but i dunno.. it just feels weird for me.
launched my new blog this week. it's a commentary sort of a blog, which, unlike this, will not talk about my personal life. i figured i really need one already, if only to practice writing again and help build up my opinion at the same time. and i wanted to publicize a blog where people wouldn't know about my lack of lovelife, haha! i'm don't believe in screening readers, erasing comments or making certain entries private, so instead of launching this one, i'd rather have a new one. it's good too, since i could have some fresh start. visit it at publicfiction.wordpress.com.
also started my facebook account. i figured i have to keep in touch with the people i met during the two conferences i attended last month and most of them don't have friendster. apparently, it's only popular in south east asia now and most of the people i made good friends with are from europe and america.
saw "my sassy girl" yesterday too. good feel-good film, really gives you the mush, hehe.. ali and ainj said there wasn't so much change in the plot when compared with the original korean version. i'm pretty impressed with how the story is uncharacteristically asian, but the meanings behind it (like the interpretation of destiny) still seems patently oriental.
i'm gonna be 24 in some minutes now. hope this year brings a lot of good luck, being the year of the rat. i'm crossing my fingers. |
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| you've gotta be kidding |
[Aug. 10th, 2008|03:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
it's good to know "one tree hill" is back with a new season. i think it's high time. watching re-runs of almost every show on cable is already boring. ali said though that she already watched it on video; she said the season actually ended last may.
and i liked how the plot fast forwarded their lives. but i really can't reconcile chad michael murray (playing lucas) being a novel writer. ali said it wasn't too farfetched since lucas has been some sort of a writer when they were in high school. but it's still chad and being sophia's (playing brooke) bastard ex husband doesn't spell novel writer to me, hehe..
been quite busy this week. but i'm very grateful every day since too. i finally have my toefl and gre test schedule, courtesy of ma'am imee's credit card. she's really been a big help and she even gave me the suit she lent me when i went to singapore. i'll be taking both tests this august so i'll be busy reviewing again. i know they're just aptitude tests and modesty aside, i'm pretty sure i can pass them, but that's not the goal this time - i actually have to get a very high score since i'm applying for scholarship. claudio said i won't have a hard time with toefl but he told me the gre could be tricky.
also attended meetings and a forum this week. met with team rp again after about a month (it's on board the core stuff again) and with a roughly-named "reform coalition" (a diverse group of people from different sectors brainstorming on leadership for the coming 2010 elections). then just last friday, i was in the ayala young leaders' intergenerational leadership forum, where i met some people who we could collaborate with on our campaigns and activities in team rp.
will be attending a couple more meetings and doing some more stuff for team rp next week before i take a break from it all again. i figured studying for a week before taking my tests would be good enough. oh, then, i have to finish writing a journal article out of my thesis. i'm supposed to beat an end of the month deadline for that. plus, i have a september first deadline on a new study on heritage in south east asia. i already have my topic and some resources but i still have to do some preliminary cartographic analysis. hope this research project flies on time.
anyway, i bought a can of sliced button mushrooms and butter earlier (more like saturday night; i seem to keep on forgetting that i work after midnight, hehe..) and i was a bit surprised how prices rose again since the last time i did some grocery. well, i bought butter some two months ago and mushrooms last year, but the price increase is really way up there. last time i bought butter, it only cost about P30 to P35 something (used to be just around P27), but now, it's already P40.95 and the mushrooms are really expensive for P42.95 to think that much of the grams in can are water weight (a can of sliced mushrooms used to be just around P32). sigh, inflation woes.. |
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| politics of performance, public perception and popularity |
[Aug. 5th, 2008|09:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
pdi's news section today is a very interesting read. not necessarily because of the headlines on the frontpage, but because of some news and opinion items which presents an issue (both socio-political and media-wise) that has been seemingly obscured by our characteristic uh.. 'social activism', albeit double standard.
after reading the frontpage news, i always read the paper from back to front. it's a habit i had since i was a kid (and yes, i've been reading the newspaper since i was a kid, even though i didn't really understood much of it and was often only after the comics page and the pictures). and i found three interesting items that paint an issue worth looking at.
first, at the opinion section, a certain eugene guarin, wrote a letter ot the editor criticizing pdi's july 19 editorial titled, "most unpopular leader," which is some sort of great timing too, since just yesterday, sws released another round of satisfaction rating that posted another negative for gma. intriguingly (and i do say 'intriguingly' with much curiosity with what pdi editors did), his letter was billed "popularity does not necessarily make for a good leader". while guarin said that he's not pro-gma, he said that gma should be given due credit for making tough and unpopular choices that were necessary for the country (circumstantial or for the long-term, i suppose); in his words, "all i know is that a good leader is someone who knows the way, walks the way and shows the way. and this 'little giant' called gloria macapagal-arroyo is leading the way."
but it got more interesting when he touched two socio-political and developmental issues, which i think was really called for - on the one hand, he claimed that protests and propagandas against gma have "lost their credibility because they are baseless" and that these people have abused the "priveleges" of democracy; on the other, he quipped, "if we reduce leadership to a popularity contest, in what direction would the philippines be going? commentaries, news reports, 'surveys' (quoted with srcastic emphasis perhaps?) and propaganda about popularity will not help filipinos select their future leaders wisely."
it's interesting because he actually opened some sort of layman discourse on the prevailing (if not recurring) issues in philippine democratization (an abuse, if not misuse of freedom and neglect of social responsibility) and that this in fact contributes to the persistent problem of romanticizing the politician as a savior and neglecting that government works as an institution. the funnier thing is, the people who are actually against gma, which in this case would constitute those who abuse the "priveleges" of democracy, are the ones supposedly heralding the public to vote wisely.
second, pdi's editorial today sketches a comparison of gma and marcos (again). pointing similarities in corruption and extrajudicial killings, the editorial's factual account is actually convincing. it ends with some sort of a warning on the possibility that gma might find a way to declare martial law (like marcos) or perpetuate herself in power through constitutional changes (without having to declare martial law). while i understand where they're coming from and that i don't dismiss their foretelling as mere paranoia, i think the editorial left out (again) on an important factor that most people seem to miss - having a free media now amplifies perception and such was absent during martial law.
this is not to say, of course, that the facts they metioned on the amount supposedly corrupted by gma's government and the number of extrajudicial killings in her term is false (though i do have some reservations on the estimates and counts, since they compared data from international sources on marcos with rather leftist sources on gma; not that i'm simply doubting the left, but in guarin's words, they are "politically motivated"), but that they may have been amplified, purposedly or otherwise, by the massive information now allowed to circulate through a free media.
and i seriously think that's one factor that should be considered in reading surveys - while gma may be the most unpopular president beased on perception surveys today, the fact that people know more about scandals because of a free (and rather agressive) media should also be factored in. the absence of such during marcos' time and the rather 'supportive' press (for lack of a better term) during aquino's suggests that people's perception on their governance were tilted to certain inclinations, which when compared in a time series with others (ramos, erap and gma) seems to be favorable.
third, an article on the second frontpage titled "survey says pinoys happy with programs, not gma" reveals that the latest sws survey on satisfaction ratings, which results were released yesterday, were actually commissioned by the government (a vital point, i think, that wasn't mentioned in the tv news reports.. but which also explains why press secretary jesus dureza yesterday said that these results are a guide to the government, a tune very different from the administration's usual dismissal of surveys). the survey was apparently commisioned by representative danilo suarez of quezon.
in the survey (as i mentioned in an earlier entry), gma and her cabinet got negative ratings, but government programs generally got positive ones. this seeming contradicting results highlight the issues brought up by guarin's letter and the editorial. in fact, suarez actually tied the issue up when he explained why gma's ratings are still negative despite the high public appreciation for her government's programs (of course, aside from the populist explanation). he said, "our belief is that when you open the radio and when you read the broadsheets and when you watch tv from six in the morning up to the wee hours, the high rating programs hit the administration every day." he even added (as the report said) "that with the 2010 elections fast approaching, some media groups and candidates believe criticizing the administration is one sure way of getting their own popularity ratings pick up." and he actually made a lot of sense.
from a socio-political perspective, i think these news items highlight the fact that an abuse of "priveleges" of democracy, or what i would like to refer to as overdemocratization, actually impedes the growth and development of a democratic country, not only in economic terms, but in every aspect of society, especially cultural or mindset-wise. this is where i think the filipinos' long tradition and romantization of 'social activism' (or vanguadism to some extent and circumstances) becomes more of a democratic liability.
i remember when i attended the international conference on philippine studies some two weeks ago, the opening plenary of the second day touched on the researcher being grounded on some sort of activism. this is already happening in the country with many researchers and think tanks affiliated with activist groups and some, even partisan interests (like ibon foundation and karapatan who seems to be allied with the left). but there's nothing wrong with this per se.
in contrast, however, when i was in the third graduate forum of the asia research institute in the national university of singapore just last week, keynote speaker dewi fortuna anwar (a renowned political scientist in southeast asia) said that while researchers may be grounded in activist purposes, it would be more advisable for them to remain non-partisan, in the sense of being uninvolved in civil society groups. she was very candid and very clear about it too - it is hard (that is if you can) to expect a partisan researcher to present objective results. her talk actually touched on how southeast asian history was shaped and reshaped by researchers, particularly economists, political scientists and their tensions.
from a media perspective, on the other hand, these news items highlight the need for (and appreciaion for) communication research. the proliferation of news in the free media and its effects on public perception have been neglected by many political scientists. while they assume effect, they also neglect the need for empirical studies that would prove or disprove some assumptions and uncover some new facts (if any).
in fact, i think merely assuming mass media effect as such or even as existent is very hyperbullet. and hyperbullet is dead. this then presents a huge research gap that communication and media studies could fill in (sadly, even the philippines communication society or any university communication department, with considerable exception towards the university of the philippine's communication research department, fails to see this or falis to act on this). even as they may realize it, the absence of proactive action towards the research gap only justifies a culture of research impunity in the field, if not actually lack of capacity. |
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| framing |
[Aug. 4th, 2008|11:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
was watching anc's "top story" earlier, while waiting for "the simpson's" rerun on star world. pretty much watched through the whole program and found press secretary jesus dureza's quip on pia hontiveros' reporting (or, as she said, the editors' news writing) being negatively slanted as something really called for. heck, even i missed that spin.
hontiveros reported sws survey results on govenment agencies' and government leaders' satisfaction rating where, seemingly as usual, gma and her cabinet got a negative rating. the slant of her report was that the government leaders allied with gma, like vp noli de castro and house speaker prospero nograles, and the cabinet got negative ratings true. which were true - but, like what dureza pointed out, the report failed to say that the satisfaction rating of the cabinet actually improved by one point from -10 to -9.
that makes sense actually; framed that way, it shows that while still unsatisfactorily perceived by the public, the cabinet is actually gaining trust and the results indicate that it is doing a good job (well, as far as public perception is concerned, of course; probably because of the populist subsidies and media offensive the government has been engaged with over the past four months).
i also think it's a plus for him (dureza) when he said that "survey results will be a guide for us". obviously unlike executive secretary eduardo ermita and his rightist co-horts, dureza knows what surveys are and what use they can have. even hontiveros said on-air that he makes a good press secretary (in fairness, he was able to explain the government's reaction on the temporary restraining order issued by the supreme court on the ancestral land domain memorandum of agreement with the milf).
but while i missed the spin on anc's reporting (a lopez arm is a lopez arm by any name, eh?), i did find nograles' reaction to his negative ratings impressive. he said that his ratings as house speaker doesn't matter as much as the ratings of the house did since they are and work as an institution (the house got zero net satisfaction ratings, which was still good, since it got negative before)
i've just read the papers again and i think this whole moa on ancestral domain issue is really politically charged, in the sense that a lot of interests are playing here. i'm not yet that well-versed with the issue but if pdi's editorial today is any dummy guide to the whole thing, i think signing the moa now is either a wrong move or a ploy to federalism (or any constitutional changes for that matter). it proves that people's patriotic movement's dr. emilio yap's lecture on the historical truth really has a lot of value into it (he explained the whole conflict, involving the americans, and even had some documentary proof to prove it). with some sort of futuresight (as told by dr. yap), this will be an interesting issue to follow.
anyway, i inquired at the philippine-american educational foundation earlier on how to get the toefl and gre tests. seems like i really have to register online and pay with a credit card if i want to take the tests soon and get the results in by mid-november. i hope fate's with me on this. i really want to start my ph.d soon. i think i've waited enough for nothing with ust. |
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| no regrets? |
[Aug. 3rd, 2008|09:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
around this time last week, i was walking lost in raffles. i passed the turn from orchard to our hotel. i bought two glasses of watermelon juice as i was looking for my way back and bought a liter of peach tea drink in an indian convenience store when i finally recognized the road home.
i ate my hainanese chicken at the hotel's patio and went in the room and had some chat with lawrence, one of my roommates from the city university of new york. i prepared what i'm supposed to wear for the next day and was still a bit anxious on whether i saved my powerpoint presentation in my usb properly.
sigh.. i still miss the whole experience. makes me wonder why the hell i even stuck up to waiting for an 'opportunity' to teach in ust even though some people were too caught up with their idiosyncrasies to acknowledge, when all the while, i could have already fast tracked a ph.d application abroad. sigh.. |
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| a good singapore experience |
[Aug. 2nd, 2008|11:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | reminiscent | ] |
sigh. i still miss the whole singapore experience. benjamin, a friend i met during icophil, told me that i would appreciate my being filipino more when i'm abroad. but he was wrong. or my case is simply an exception to the rule.
it was even frustrating that, on my way back from the airport, i had to deal with an annoying taxi driver, an overpriced taxi service which seemed to have monopolized the taxi service in naia terminal two (rumors have it that manny pacquiao owns the business and the terminal management banned other taxis from picking up passengers directly from the terminal bay).
the whole research conference was very enriching. even my room mates were very nice. learned a lot about south east asia and i think my fellow researchers learned quite a lot about the philippines too. as per institution listed in the conference programme, we (filipinos) were only six, but a lot of filipinos studying abroad came. a lot of nus staff were also filipinos. it's funny too that in the keynote speeches, the speakers seem to leave out the philippines in their analysis of south east asia and whenever i raise a question about it, they'd say that we're too westernized. but the south east asian trends and tendencies in politics and pop culture they discussed actually happened or is already happening in the country. frankly, their dearth of empirical knowledge on the philippines presents an opportunity for us, filipino researchers, to join and even set the south east asian dialogue on regional identity.
made some good friends too. am actually exploring a collaborative exercise now with claudio, an italian harvard ph.d candidate in anthropology. the guy just wowed me with his analysis of economic fluidity in bangkok and i pitched that maybe we could work on an article on bangkok and manila (he's based in bangkok now for his dissertation). well, i think he liked my presentation on democratization too; that's how, in fact, we started talking. his girlfriend, futura, was very friendly too and i'm kinda uh.. envious(?) that an academic like him can actually afford to have a romantic relationship even as he goes around the world, hehe..
had dinner with them last monday. went around little india and chinatown too and they introduced me to the dhoby ghaut (singapore's mrt which i was very hesitant to try on my own). when we ate at a chinese restaurant, the place was already about to close and the owner was hurrying us up with our order. it pissed us, of course, but then the owner went to me and asked me if i was chinese and when i said i was and that my father's family is, they seem to have treated us better. futura said it was because in singapore, chinese treat fellow chinese better, especially if the paternal family was chinese (i think the owner noticed that my left eye was smaller than the other, looked more chinese, haha!)
and speaking of uh.. romantic interests, i met this one french girl who really caught my eyes. she's tall, good looking and by god, she's brilliant! she's living in indonesia right now but i was able to get her card to stay in touch, hehe.. nothing serious though. but i'm really smitten.
met a lot of interesting people too. even talked lengthily with dr. hefner's thirteen-year-old son during the farewell dinner. the kid likes video games so much and i was interested to pick his mind as an exploratory exercise of henry jenkins' theory on the gaming culture. he seems to be very good at what he does (video games) and told him he could have a good career at mit (he said he's not so much interested with research as his father is, so i thought of introducing him to a 'new' kind of research, something which i think both him and his academic parents would be interested in, hehe..)
then during my last day, i met two lost aussies. fortunately, i had my map with me (and already had my share of getting lost), so i accompanied them on their way to plaza singapura. they gave me their contacts and told me to give them a buzz in case i happen to be in perth, australia. it feels good meeting people that way.
didn't really have time to shop, since the two-day conference was whole day, but i just can't leave singapore without scouting their bookstores, hehe.. bought one book from the discounted nus press stall during the conference, but i wanted to see what kinds of books do they have in the market. so i went to times, kinokuniya and borders to check it out (they were all along orchard). nus told us that they wouldn't give any per diem allowances, but they still did, so i just used it to buy books! hehe..
bought six books at borders. i even got their preferred card (discount card). then again, i bought another book at the airport (just can't resist, hehe..) so now, i finally have "journey to the west", two of marshall mcluhan's book and a book on social theory and analysis (just some of the books in my must-have list). was also supposed to buy jenkins' book (unfortunately not "convergence culture"; they were out of it too) but i ran out of money. didn't do much shopping though. was really just interested at buying good books not available in our bookstores.
sigh. looking back at it, i still remember the experience very vividly and the good friendships forged. it was a very, very memorable first time outside the country. the whole thing actually makes me think of what i'm supposed to do now that i've finished my masters. i should fast track my ph.d application now and i guess, instead of hopelessly hoping i get to teach in ust again, i should just focus my energies on becoming an independent researcher and seek funding elsewhere. and hopefully, i get to see my fellow ari alumni again. sigh.. |
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| back to reality |
[Jul. 31st, 2008|09:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  morose | ] |
i'm back home now and i'm really down that my singapore experience had to end fast. i met a lot of interesting people and made good friends there and i really enjoyed my stay.
i'll blog about it some time; right now, i still feel uh.. morose. my experience also made me think a lot about things - where i'm heading and what i really want for a career. i'll give it some time, probably. |
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| urban living heaven, chinese girls and then some |
[Jul. 27th, 2008|10:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  enjoyed | ] |
i literally walked through orchard road. went to almost all the malls along the way. saw a lot of good chinese stuff to buy and ubiquituous filipinos. it's also amusing to know that there are pinoy pubhouses and carenderias in some malls, hehe..
"what's that?" i asked an old man selling turon (and suman).
"banana.."
but i got lost on my way back! i passed by the orchard district, ended up in raffles and had to go in circles for a while. good thing i'm cartographic-smart, else i would've gotten really lost and had to ride a cab back to the hotel (i prefered to walk; it's cheaper, nice exercise and sight seeing all rolled into one, hehe..) their maps didn't have the exact streets and/or street names.
i was smiling when i was walking around though. it's like urban living heaven to me. i saw a lot of chinese people! some seem very simple but were very beautiful. even had to uh.. follow for a bit a couple of girls who really, really caught my eye, hehe.. and i'm envying the guys here. ah, what good pool of jeans - caucasian jaw line but chinese eyes, hehe..
that's it for now. i'll log my musings and observation later. i'm pretty tired from the long walk (was walking for about five and a half hours) and i have to be up early tomorrow for the conference. |
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| quickie |
[Jul. 27th, 2008|02:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
i'm in singapore right now and luckily, our hotel provides free internet (and units). god, the view's really, really good! i wish i did plan to have some days off as vacation and brought more pocket money with me, sigh.. i hope i can go back sometime to really enjoy a tour. |
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| career heaven |
[Jul. 26th, 2008|09:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
the last three days was like career heaven for me. the international conference for philippine studies was a very, very welcome experience. even though i still wish i could have gone to the asian media informatuion and communication centre (amic) congress (which i missed because i could only pay for icophil's fee) last week, i think icophil was money well spent.
to quote benjamin, a young ph.d student and first-time conference-goer, "it's like a meeting of the minds." of course, my first one, the philippine political science association conference last year, was also a memorable experience, but the last three days were better.
i met and conversed with a lot of people, got a few calling cards and exchanged some numbers and email. and i felt very comfortable there. i was alone, unlike my first time when i was with some sort of a ust contingent, but i felt like i belong with them more. very different from when i was in the faculty. i mean, we were all the same in that conference, no degree-boasting, no ego.. and people were generally receptive and open-minded. it's also comforting to know that there are a lot of young academics like me. i'd like to think it makes my uh.. hobby (for lack of a better word) more accpetable and makes me less weird, haha!
but i saw some ust professors. met sir candido, sir galan and ma'am de castro and caught a glimpse of sir ferdie and ms. nuncio (who used to teach filipino journalism, not sure if she still does now). even sat in sir galan's panel and had a chat with sir candido during the first day.
made some promising ties too. people who i think i can collaborate with for a research sometime or just exchange emails talking about current issues and research. and oh, even had a couple of eye candies, hehe.. there were a lot of foreigners during the conference and most of them were japanese or were almond-eyed, hehe..
i was able to talk to dr. arnold azurin, a philet (thomasian), who told me that i really don't need an institution to pursue research. he said what i need is funding, like him. and i've been giving it a lot of thought actually. i asked ust's social research center if i could get in as researcher, but they haven't replied yet. if it doesn't go well and i don't get load again, i'd just probably create my own research fund - whatever i earn from freelance stuff, i just use to budget my research projects. right now, i already have some three topics in mind, but i guess i'll hold it first. will have to pass my thesis into journals before anything else. hope it flies.
watched "the dark knight" today. bravo for heath ledger and i really like the twists of the plot this time. i'm still irritated at some of christian bale's uh.. 'acting' as batman (like the changing of voice which comes off as trying hard and the awkward fit of the mask on his face because his jaw sticks out, hehe..) but i gotta admit, he's getting better. themes of anarchy, the incorruptible hero, anti-hero and common good also hit home.
well, that's it for now. will still have to pack my things. i'm off to singapore in a few hours and i want to have good sleep before my first trip abroad. |
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| business brewing? |
[Jul. 23rd, 2008|04:17 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
it's been roughly two months since i last blogged and frankly i seem to have lost some interest on logging an entry. i don't know why. maybe i was (am) just too tired. or lazy.
but before i forget (again), i'll put on record that i finally was able to cook white chicken the right way and have discovered a very good recipe for noodle broth, hehe.. all those nights watching asian food channel paid finally off, hehe.. now if only i can discover how to cook good squid and shrimp dishes with no fuss..
been through quite a lot for the past weeks. just last week, i finished the teen negosyo magazine for this year, which again, as usual, caused me a lot of stress and lack of sleep. then, the supposed book projects i had turned topsy turvy. i turned from a supposed book author to a book editor to a book project coordinator. i don't mind the seeming demotions, but the thing is, i'm still unsure of what i'm supposed to do and i'm still not getting paid. my transportation and communication costs (for meetings, coordination) is getting quite big and no amount of money's tolerable when there's inflation.
speaking of inflation, i'm really, really, really affected by the rising prices. i even walk some two kilometers now just to save a a ride's cost. i took a week relaxing after my thesis defense and i used to just eat chicken from jollibee every afternoon and for the month i did that, chickenjoy's price rose from P99 to P103 to P106 and in just two weeks! not to mention the chicken pieces got smaller and the batter's consistency got worse.
anyway, i'm off to singapore this weekend. my thesis got accepted for presentation at the national university of singapore and it's gonna be all expense paid of course. i can't afford to go there even if i wanted to. i'd also be presenting in the international conference of philippine studies this week (on thursday, actually), but it's just going to be in quezon city. it's gonna be the same paper and i'd like to think that these opportunities are some sort of a redemption for my paper, hehe.. i've kinda accepted the fact that i'm only graduating cum laude, but i'm still not over the possibility that i could have graduated magna had my panelists been qualitative reseachers. sigh..
it's a good thing ma'am imee (my former boss at pce and gem) was more than willing to help me on my first trip abroad. she even volunteered to make some callling cards for my trip. i know i would need some when i mingle with other researchers, but i was really anxious on what i should place. ab said i couldn't say i'm affiliated with them and i just finished my graduate schooling so i can't use gs too. but ma'am imee said i could just put editorial consultant or something since i actually do those things freelance. she also asked one of her export managers to lend me a suit and luggage so that's less worry and cost, hehe..
she told me that she made cards for her son, who was now into photography. she said her son might as well start a freelance thing or probably a business and even got his cards branded with a name for recall. i know i would love running a business of my own, but even though i have been exposed to a lot of entrepreneuship stuff, i purposedly stayed away from starting my own business. i thought that even if i know i could do it, it's not the career for me in the long run.
but with no stable source of income now coupled with inflation, i'm really considering of formalizing my freelance work into some consultancy business of my own, or something like that. i think i do have enough experience and works done to call myself an editorial consultant. we'll see..
i've got many things to blog about, actually and much as i want to log them in now, i'm pressed for time. my schedule got delayed because of deadline kinks (like two weeks late!) in doing the teen negosyo magazine, so i'm supposed to be fixing up my conference presentations just now. plus, i've got an essay on democratization to write. |
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| chopstick training |
[Jun. 12th, 2008|01:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
watched "kung fu panda" with ali, kay and jo early tonight, after having dinner at "amici". it's been quite a while since we last saw each other (and boy, has ali got a lot of love life stories to share, haha!) and oh, amici's authentic italian cooking reminds me of giada. that celebrity chef's really growing on me, hehe..
the movie was "awesome!" as po would say it. i obviously indulged in the visuals and musical score (hans zimmer's signature style's really good for soundtracks but sam concepcion's version of "kung fu fighting" really irritates me). and i especially loved "master oogway"; i've been a turtle lover since a kid. but what really caught my attention was po's training with shifu, when they battled for the dumpling with chopsticks. i suddenly remembered how i did something similar to ainj when i made him eat rice using chopsticks, hehe.. it was hours after a long meeting slash planning for the upcoming jrnsoc elections then and i told him dinner's on me on one condition - whatever you order, you eat with chopsticks. he was so hungry then and kept on complaining and i always replied, "patience is a virtue," hehe.. ah, the good ol' days..
passed by legaspi park on my way home. stayed for about an hour and a half. i, uh.. swung on the swing(?) i'm not sure if that made any sense but i think anyone reading this gets the point, hehe.. and since the playground didn't have monkey bars, i played (read: climbed and did acrobatic-like stunts) with the swing's frame instead. then i went to the jungle gym and did some more. seriously, it feels good to just be care free and climb poles again (i was once some sort of "king of the monkey bars," you know, hehe..)
since sir niki didn't give me a load again (surprise, surprise), i was thinking i should seriously consider enrolling for swimming lessons and maybe kung fu too. i mean, it's not just because of "kung fu panda" (it's more because of "avatar" haha!), i just really want to do something out of the box - it's fun, it's interesting and well, it's a good work out. i'm thinking, after kung fu basics, i want to learn chu gar and hung gar styles.
i'm also preparing to take the toefl and ielts anytime soon. if chances of teaching in ust would still be bleak in the next few semesters (or months), i probably should fast track my ph.d. plans and agreesively apply for admission and scholarship to study abroad first (and i found a new school too! it's perfects since it's an ivy league university and anyone admitted to the program becomes a full scholar, wow! hope i get that one) i'll probably take the civil service exam and whatever exam i should take for government service, just to widen my options. |
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| fallen star |
[May. 29th, 2008|11:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustration | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Blackbird - The Beatles | ] |
today, my graduate school life is summed up with the story of icarus, who was best known in greek mythology as the young mortal who flew too close to the sun.
icarus, was the spirited son of the great inventor daedalus. when king minos of crete imprisoned them in the labyrinth, daedalus invented two pairs of wings that can help them fly to escape. some accounts say the wings were made of wax. daedalus told icarus to keep a middle course over the sea and avoid flying high. but icarus, being the spirited youth he is, dared to enjoy the sky and fly freely with the clouds. he soared up and up, his wings came off (some accounts say the glue melted, some say the wax wings melted) and he fell into the sea and drowned.
i finished my thesis oral defense earlier and, to my dismay, am graduating cum laude. only cum laude. i wanted to graduate with flying colors this time, since i really devoted much of the last three years to study than politics as i used to in ab. i was hoping for a suma; after all, goals are meant to be high. i seriously worked for it and successfully got an academic average of 1.02, with only one subject with a grade of 1.25. the academic average was a third of the total grade.
but after passing my manuscript and a critical review of my own research work, i conceded that graduating suma cum laude would be improbable already - it was my first attempt on a serious qualitative exploratory research, on using phenomenology and the constructivist paradigm and on employing qualitative data analysis techniques (which i never really learned in ab, even though our first thesis paper was qualitative).
all things considered, especially the fact that the degree i'm vying for is masteral, not doctoral, i estimated my work and my upcoming defense to be good enough to merit magna cum laude (and since my academic average was practically a 1, adding it to the final grade average wouldn't pull a magna merit on the thesis). i still wouldn't say that i over estimated myself, even though i didn't get a magna. comparative analysis of masteral theses in the graduate school would support my claim. i was offering a new perspective, new method, new paradigm and i thought it was effectual enough.
but my panel thought otherwise. while they commended my efforts and even the results and analysis, i knew we had a gap on paradigm use. in fact, dr. de guzman, who has been graciously helping me with the research design and analysis, even said that if my panel would be composed of quantitative researchers, my study wouldn't be appreciated as much as it is. my panel was, in broad stroke, a quantitaive panel.
my panel was coming from a positivist paradigm, which is regarded as traditional, the usual find-a-problem-and-solve-it approach. i was coming from a constructivist paradigm, which is basically ask-to-know-the-phenomenon; phenomenology also made it more complicated, as it is a pure qualitative method with a totally different standard.
the question and answer part of the defense was good though. i listed all their comments and their bone of contention is summed up in the thesis' form, not really content. i expected the suggestions, actually, because, as i said, this was my first serious attempt at a research with a new approach and method. but i do have some problem with some of the suggestions brought up, as i feel they were positivist and it goes against the nature of a constructivist study - that i would still have to research about in an attempt to reconcile their suggestions with my own frame.
i truly appreciate my panel's comments (their criticisms during my colloquium were very helpful), but i can't help but get frustrated that my panelists, collectively, didn't appreciate my research as much as it could have been appreciated by others. i think my high hopes crashed to a wall of our paradigm differences.
i remember, when i was still taking up subjects in the graduate school, my classmates and my professors said i was promising enough; i thought so too. in many of my classes, i was a darling of discussion. modesty aside, my graduate schooling was by far one of my most academic learning endeavors, next only to high school. i believe i haven't overestimated myself at any point, because as i've set my hopes up to gun for the big win, i know my capabilities and limits and was able to gauge my resulting mark. and my estimates never failed. not until earlier today.
it pains me even more that the hard work i put in all of my subjects, the almost perfect academic record i set, will now be obscured by my thesis grade, which was an unfortunate result of paradigm differences. i already had the wings to fly high and i fell. the waves have swallowed me whole. and my efforts are now only a myth. |
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| "mamang pulis" and inflation blues |
[May. 28th, 2008|01:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  so-so | ] |
on our way to ust yesterday (i was with my mom and my baby sis), the jeep we're in suddenly felt a crash from the back after it unloaded a passenger at manila city hall. apparently, an fx unloaded one of its passengers too, while it was in the middle of the road and the man at the side of the drivers seat opened the doors tooo wide or at the wrong time; it bumped the tail of the jeep we're riding and was dragged enough to have a dent on.
i didn't personally see the incident as we were on the left side of the jeep, where the bump was felt, but one woman in front of us said she saw the whole thing. the first instinct of the jeepney driver was to go down to check his jeep, while the fx driver was still inside, hoping that the man who opened his fx's door could shut it already (the dent made it improbable for the door to shut and the lady who unloaded there already went on).
the fx then moved in front of us, its driver went down and said to the jeepney driver to wait. there were no policemen in sight (and we're talking manila city hall here, for cryin' out loud!). my mom joined the irate passengers in blaming the guy who opened the fx door and a lot of them said they were already late and "naabala pa tayo". the jeep driver was likewise pissed and repeatedly shouted "ba't ko aanuhin yan?" pointing to the fx door "ako na nga yung nagasgasan."
amid the shouting drivers and the irate passengers, i was looking around for a policeman and screaming in my head that instead of just bickering, someone should call for a policeman fast - it may delay our trip but it's the right thing to do (and since the jeep driver has witnesses favoring him, he's practically off the hook too). but i felt trapped in a spiral of silence, plus we were on a hurry, which was why i was still having second thoughts on going down and heading to the city hall gate (we were at the corner end of city hall, near the point where the lrt line bends). but when i finally mustered enough civility in me to go down, thje jeep driver suddenly went in and took off.
of course, the fx driver couldn't do anything. while he blamed the jeepney driver for going on while it felt the bump, i'm sure he knows that the real culprit there was the man who opened his fx door, who could only say "eh lagi naman nang ginagawa yan eh" in his defense (he was arguing with the irate jeep passengers that since unloading in the middle of the road was a common practice, they didn't do anything wrong - sigh. the failure to use logic in everyday life).
while we went on, i really felt guilty about what happened. i agree in principle that the jeepney driver was right that he shouldn't pay for the damages to the door of the fx and that, circumstances analyzed, the fx driver by unloading in the middle of the road and the guy who carelessly opened the fx door were at fault. but i thought it was wrong for the jeep driver to not wait for a policeman to come and arbitrate the incident and that we were all accomplice to a disobedience of the law.
at the other end of the city hall though, when i saw a traffic policeman in the middle of the road, i thought that while we were all disobedient of the law, the law enforcers themselves were doing a bad job. not that i'm simply passing the blame, but it really gets me that we were at the corner of city hall and no policeman was patrolling nearby (i remember when my father was still a policeman, makati city hall had patrolling policemen in almost every corner). at that moment, i thought it would be really good for the "mamang pulis" campaign to emulate the japanese police force habit of patrolling the streets. while our policemen report to their respective stations here and stay there until trouble would require them, policemen in japan actively patrol the streets as part of their duty.
anyway, just another note on inflation.. even the prices of second-hand books of some "booksale" outlets and bargain book stands climbed up! one used-book stand in robinson's ermita was selling books almost at their original price already (while a few books in national bookstores and powerbooks jacked their prices up to; i bought clavell's version of "art of war" in national bookstore in 2003 for only 150 pesos and it's now selling for 350 plus pesos! and oh, the list goes on) good thing the booksale in pedro gil devalued some of their used books that still weren't bought after months' time, so i was able to buy two good books ("the conspiracy of ignorance" and "talking sociology") at 70 pesos each. if infaltion hits the cost of internet cards, sheesh! i wouldn't know what to do anymore.. |
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| choosing battles |
[May. 24th, 2008|05:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | To Run - Josiah Leming | ] |
i've been feeling under the weather lately. was unable to attend team rp's meeting last thursday night because i was feeling rather off and i needed rest. the rainy season's too cold for me and i've been waking up with a groggy head for days now because of it.
i'm actually supposed to attend a caucus now in miriam college (also missed a conference last saturday because of not feeling well), but when my alarm went off at around 8am, my body felt pinned down to the bed and i could hardly reach for my phone charging on the desk at the foot of the bed. when i eventually, did, i texted team rp peeps that i might not be able to make it (the caucus was a whole day thing). also texted maita that i might not be able to make it tonight for our movie night out. then i shut my eyes out of tiredness and the next thing i know, it was past 2pm. i wouldn't have gotten out of bed if it wasn't for my grumbling stomach. i haven't had dinner last night as i was so tired to even cook one.
but i was out yesterday. when i woke up around noon yesterday, i read "survivor!" in my phone, a reminder i remembered i set at 8am. i was mulling over the "survivor philippines" ad i saw last week and thought of giving it a try just so because i want something adventurous to do after defending my thesis if only to break the verging routine of what i do (research, write papers, dabble with politics, etc.) and of course, get a free vacation, albeit as a cast away. so i forced myself out from bed to give it a try.
i haven't seen any "survivor" episode from start to finish though. i've watched some in segments so i had to ask ali about the show and did some basic wiki research on how the show goes. i'm not as much excited being on cam or getting the prize money but i do want to win - it's like a must for me that if i enter a competition, i should win it.
so i went to sm manila yesterday. i arrived at 2pm and the line has reached liwasang bonifacio. it was raining and i still felt it was pretty embarrassing to fall in line at liwasan so i went to the mall instead and snooped at what they're doing first. when i saw a camera man and a girl interviewing one hopeful in line, i thought it would be wiser to just fall in line later to avoid them. so i ate my much-loved grilled cheeseburger and scoured every bookstore in the mall to pass time. saw some good books too, but i unfortunately didn't have the spare money to buy. went to some clothing stores to if only to really make me realize that i have got to upgrade my wardrobe, hehe..
but all the while, i was thinking if i really wanted it. i mean, i don't like to seem that i'm in it for the money (something which i have never convinced myself to do in any of the jobs i took) but i also didn't want to not be decisive enough and get discouraged easily. i was thinking about a lot of things and what would happen in case i go through with it and pass. my hopes weren't high on even getting in (rumors have it that the 16 cast aways were already picked) but something in me wanted to get surprised.
by around 8pm, i went to see if the line was already short enough and if there were no cameras anymore. the mall closes at 9pm, so i figured it was already an opportune time to fall in line and get through it with less embarrassment. and it was. i was at the tail-end of the line with only about twenty more people behind me (they actually cut the line earlier but the guard let me through). some people infront of me were actually rejected already and just line up for the second time.
after filling out a form, i was called in for the first round with four other more hopefuls. the interviewer asked us what we would do if we were one of the five cast aways remaining on the island and our four comrades are plotting to vote us off next but we had all the food. i was the first to ask and i said i would use the food to bargain for my stay. when the interviewer asked "diba magmumukha kang masama nun?" i said "marami namang ways to bargain without looking bad."
the three next hopefuls were to kind and said they would share the food and the last one just said she wouldn't share them since she will be voted out. the interviewer explained that since it was a competition, cast aways should do whatever it takes to stay in the game and i was the only one admitted to the second round. i was given number 10882.
i was texting ali althroughout while waiting in line. during the second round, we were asked why we joined survivor. the first one (number 10881) said he wanted to join because of the prize money for his brother. when the interviewer came to me, i just said i like competition and games which uses the mind as capital (since strategy weighs more than strength in "survivor"). i didn't hear what the other said but long story short, i didn't pass the second round. two in our ten-member passed though; one, a forty-something, married taekwondo teacher who the interviewer seemed to have flirted with (the interviewer was gay). i can tell, since the interviewer took about a minute and 30 seconds talking with him, smiling and all and his fellow crew members were looking at it with suspicious eyes.
i'm not really sure what the winning answer was and while most of those who passed looked "artistahin" as one guy complained, i don't think they were simply looking for that (a good number of guys who got in were average looking). when i didn't pass, i thought for one in a very long time that it was a telling sign that it wasn't really my thing. fatalist as it may sound, i did think that probably something else was meant for me for the coming months.
i heard that the "survivor" taping would be this coming june, which was another reason why i felt kind of hesistant when i was strolling the mall. i've got a magazine due in mid july and a conference to prepare for at the end of july. i was hesitant because getting through the audition might bring my hopes up and i didn't want to end up in a situation where i would have to choose over it and the magazine or the conference.
if i don't get at least a three-unit load this semester (god forbid!), i would practically be jobless. as in, excpet for the freelance thing with the teen negosyo magazine, i have notheing to get income from and no excuse of not working since i would have been finished with my graduate studies by next week. i would technically become a couch potato if i don't get a load for the next semester. i'm honestly reluctant to get another job because i want my schedule to be free for whatever time is available for that three-unit subject i'm pinning my hopes on.
but i'm also running out of cash. i'm down to a few thousands which could only stretch to a couple more months if i just stay at home (which is quite impossible). i even felt really affected as i was watching the news about inflation and the rising gas prices last night. food prices almost doubled even in wet markets and just as the jeepney fare increased by 50 cents, diesel just increased by 1.50, making jeepney drivers demand a new 2.50 fare increase.
much as i still don't want to, all of these make me think that i should really start working for money, that i can't be purist about work fulfilment anymore. sigh. not getting in to "survivor" also tells me that i shouild really start choosing my battles and stop spreading myself too thin. i've been recently very active in team rp and other socio-civic stuff, which i do rpo bono, all the while, my coffers are getting empty. i like to join and do a lot of things but i'm seemingly ignoring the fact that i can't do those stuff if i don't have the means to (which is, of course, money). sigh.
i'm going to relax and try to feel better this weekend (i still feel kinda heavy now) so as to prepare for my thursday oral defense, which i still hope i can pass with flying colors - that would be really a good, since i'm kind of feeling down, figuratively and literally, lately; success is always a reason to smile. i have really got to refocus and begin choosing my battles, where my efforts should go into. i can't still say i'm gonna be bent for working for money, but after my defense, i hope there's something good, work-wise, waiting for me for the next semester. i'm still hoping to teach. i'm crossing my fingers. |
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| american idol ends, pinoy idol begins |
[May. 22nd, 2008|10:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Across the Universe - Michael Johns | ] |
thank god david cook won! it's like sweet, sweet revenge for michael johns, haha! nah.. seriously, it's good that dc won instead of archuleta; he's gonna spice up the winning idol line-up who, except for taylor, have been pop-ish than any genre else (well, carrie's been built up as a country, but she's still more pop than taylor and dc).
it's also funny that simon apologized to dc and backtracked from his kinda harsh (and clearly biased) comments last night that archuleta won by a knock out - he admitted that after watching the tape last night, it wasn't as "clear cut" as he called it.
dc's 12 million lead was surprising. i'm thinking it was america's "daugthry after effect" and they don't wanna loose the chance of having a rocker crowned as the american idol. i started watching only on season four and it was kinda close to definitely say bo would beat carrie but daugthry getting the boot in season five was surprising since kath mcphee had worse performance that night (but i did want daugthry to get the boot. i find him to arrogant already then, so unlike bo and dc). and since season six didn't have a rocker, season seven got the voter's grace (seeing daughtry's success).
i think amanda would have been more of a rock icon though, but i guess she was too rock for modern tastes, hehe.. i feel kinda bad for her though, as well as for david hernandez, chikieze and ramiele. i think throughout the two-hour finale, they weren't given as much lime light as the rest, especially amanda who's voice drowns out whenever they're in a chorus and seemed kinda uncomfortable doing the production. it would be really nice to hear her do a rock duet with dc.
speaking of duets, i think carly and mj is a potential duo, "britishy" accent and all (just "britishy" since carly really has an irish accent and mj has an aussie one; their accents are technically different from simon). i enjoyed their performance and i missed hearing mj's crooner-crossover-soul-singer voice. there hasn't been any real crooner since david radford in season four (or was that five?) and mj's the next best thing to a crooner this season. carly's good to watch to now that she seems to be more comfortable singing; her "jesus christ superstar" version was really, really good.
renaldo lapuz's perfromance was not as good as his audition though. i think he was psyched more about being on stage than singing this time that his performance actually came off as a lame intermission. he was kinda screaming the song and it didn't harmonize with the band when they came in. his stint was also too short to actually make a dent on the two-hour show, but well, at least he's got fame.
on saturday, "pinoy idol's" top 24 will perform and at last, i'll be able to enjoy watching the show since the contestants will be given enough time to perform, thus giving the audience time to appreciate them. pi's editing during the auditions and manila week was really not good; its editing was messy and crammed a lot of auditions in very few episodes (having many commercials didn't do the show good too). i don't have a bet yet (unlike before when, from the start, i had my bet on a pau and yova finale, hehe..) but there were some contestants who caught my attention. i just hope raymond's a hell lot better on saturday, haha! |
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| still cooling down |
[May. 21st, 2008|09:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Let It Be - Brooke White | ] |
while my bet's still on david cook, i have to admit david archuleta's finale set was really good. i think he and his father strategically picked songs that will appeal to his market and as randy put it he was "in it to win it."
it also doesn't help that cook sang first, giving simon a free hand on giving all three rounds to archuleta amid screaming fans (had cook been last, even if simon says that archuleta won the round, the crowd wouldn't be cheering as much, knowing that cook's on stage).
i thought cook was just sticking to what he does best and to be fair, i think his best performance of the night was his first - but, in my opinion, even that wasn't able to top his best perfromance of the competition (his "always be my baby" version during mariah carey week). as for archuleta, i was really bored with his style some episodes ago, but he did display greater vocal prowess. and finishing his set off with "imagine" was just good. it's my favorite among the songs he sang throughout the competition (the other of the only two songs he did that i like was "another day in paradise").
local ai fans said they're betting on cook to bag the competition because of his unique style, but ali said that reviews all over the internet were raving about an archuleta win. the battle of the davids kinda remind me of last year's final two - blake and jordin. my bet's on blake then but jordin did appeal more to her market and eventually won. but it still hope cook wins though..
anyway, i've been fond of watching old filipino movies lately. i particularly like "bulaklak ng city jail" starring nora aunor and "t-bird at ako" which featured her and vilma santos. "bulaklak ng city jail" was a story weave on different kinds of women thrown in jail during the early 80's, while "t-bird at ako" obviously was a take on lesbianism.
there were hardly any effects and the cuts weren't as clean as they could have been (even during that time), but the acting was rich. the focus was clearly on acting and story (and a bit of technique) and unlike many commercial films these days, they're attempt on social realism was effective, crisp and simple. the irony of both stories were also subtle but still has that "oh" factor (realization). simply put, it was deep, "may pinaghuhugutan." and while both films were peppered with curse words and themes almost always revolved around sex, materialism and the "higher sense" of being mundane, they ended with a focus on redemption.
in fact, to my mind, what we refer to now as indie is actually how our commercial films were made and the commercial films we have now is, i guess, a result of over-showbizifying the movie industry and obviously an effect the age of television (where more and more people can access tv more than they can access movies and star power is gauged by the number of fans you have from the tv soaps you make than the films you do or the acting awards you get). either that or we really have succumbed to a culture of mediocrity.
i'm about to defend my thesis next week, but up until now, i haven't started preparing my presentation yet. i've been sleeping earlier than usual lately and have been waking up earlier than usual too, but i can't seem to have the drive yet to do it; i even have a lot of pending things to do which are pretty easy to accomplish if i just sit on it.
but i feel like just lounging around everytime i wake up. i read the paper, i eat, i take a bath, and i watch tv and once it hist "will and grace" at 4pm, i feel just like watching tv 'till around 8pm. by that time, i'm already tired and will just have enough gusto to surf and check my internet accounts and cook dinner.
after the hype i managed to cook up amid the pressure while i was writing my thesis, it's like i'm still now reenergizing (like a machine which overheated because of over use and is now cooling down while charging its batteries). my presentation plan's in my head already though; i've pretty much visualized what i would do. i just hope i have enough time to pull it off. |
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| flowers in adversity |
[May. 20th, 2008|06:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  feeling lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Always Be My Baby - David Cook | ] |
"a flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all," said the emperor in "mulan".
about four or five years ago, when the world, china in particular, was besieged by the sars epidemic, the philippine daily inquirer had an interesting banner photo (shot by reuters) with the caption: "intimacy in a time of sars is problematical for a couple saying goodbye at a train station in china's capital, beijing. nearly half of the world's sars cases have occured in china where official statistics show that 92 people have died and more than 2,000 have been infected."
the picture was a tight shot on the couple's faces. the guy wanted to kiss the girl goodbye as he held her face and the girl seemed frustrated that they couldn't as she closed her eyes. they were both wearing face masks.
it caught my attention when i first saw it and cut it up when i got back from school. i kept it along with four more photos that i thought was a good example of photojournalism. for one reason or another, imagined or real, i felt a strong sense of affinity towards that picture; it's like i can feel the frustration and the longingness. i always thought that was a real picture of romance; something i only wish i could have.
then again today, i read yet another romantic story on the paper - another portrait of romance in a time of crisis and again in china. it's a story by the new york times news service titled "a story of love in the ruins," which tells the story of a couple trapped in the rubble of their apartment for 28 hours. they lay entwined on their sides under slabs of concrete. the guy said he wanted his wife to make it out to raise their daughter (the story didn't tell where their daughter was or if she was safe as press time).
the couple's background made it more romantic. the guy had just returned two days before the earthquake after travelling around china for half a year, trying his luck at small business investing and had lost a lot of money. they rarely spoke and the guy missed spending the lunar new year with his family (needless to say, the lunar new year is china's most important holiday, especially for the family). the wife was always telling her husband to have a rest and stay away from business, "just try and enjoy life for a while," she was quoted saying (most probably in chinese).
"the only thing we had was each other. we encouraged each other to live on and we said once we got out, we'd live a good life and care for each other. now we have a new start," said the guy. sigh. makes me all the more wanting. sigh.. |
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| cheeseburger |
[May. 19th, 2008|12:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Right Back Where We Started From - Cleopatra | ] |
it's been months since i last went to the market to buy produce and holy crap have prices shot up!
i bought one medium-sized celery, two onions and two carrots and it cost me 65 pesos. celery really got expensive in the last few months. too bad, since the dishes i'm into now need a "mirepoix" (mir-pwa) base.
i'm really, really loving kenny roger's grilled cheeseburger lately. i woke up today with a grumbling stomach and all that came to my mind was cheeseburger.
watched ai's season marathon and fantasia's like an amped tina turner, haha!
my mind's really still cooling down after thesis manuscript pressure, hehe.. i can't even seem to compose an lj entry. |
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james_cartmire's journal